di na ka na tama

"my greatest mistake is pleasing everyone"

I don't get her. A few days ago, i was trying to invite her for a pedicure or go to the salon or something, hoping for a mother-daughter "date" because its been long since we had our last bonding session or whatever you call it. she hesitated but then agreed since her toes need some pampering and she has to run a few errands.

I was somewhat excited because we'll spend time together, only us, with no whining little sister, bored brother, anxious older sister and worried father. It will only be the two of us sharing things we've never told anyone... so, i changed as fast as i could yet she was getting very impatient. I was able to catch up just before she pressed on the gas and got out of the house. why was she so in a hurry anyway?

then all of a sudden, she started bitching about how i forced her to go out of the house even if she should've asked my brother to do the errands for her.
she: why do you have to do your pedicure on a weekend? why can't you just do it on a weekday?
me: kasi wala akong kasama, gusto kong may kasama
she: e anong gagawin ng kasama mo?
me: (racking my brain for a good reason...or a good segwy, which i thought she would get) uh, wala lang
she: Wala naman pala, you're just wasting their time doing nothing while they're waiting for you..

the catfight continued....doesn't she get what I'm trying to do?! here i am trying to "reach out" and close the gap that became huge over the years...indeed, the connection, we use to have, had disappeared. at bakit siya biglang nagalit? diba um-oo siya na umalis kami ng house? she tells me that im sooo dense... with the hirit: "are you always this dense? grabe ka hah! when will you learn? when will you grow up?" OO na, lagi na akong tanga o slow para masabayan yung sinasabi mo. i always get on your nerves diba? AND as i expected, she demanded me to get out of the car. I couldn't believe that she's still doing that...and of all places, she stopped in the middle of an unlit road known for its creepy, akyat-bahay gang, rape stories. I wanted to go down and never to return home again... but at that time, i didn't bring my wallet. shit, im so stupid...of all the days i could have forgotten my wallet, it had to be that day, i had money pa naman din... the last time she forced me to leave the car, i got into a trike and went to one of my neighbor's haus... well, who's acting immature now? we both are, i guess...just don't blame me for everything. right after, i didn't speak and opened a chick-lit book i brought with me, even if we both knew i already get naseous or feel like throwing up when reading a text message in her car. i wanted to curse her or slap her. i was trying to hold back my tears while she was doing those errands, leaving me inside the car..(shux, im such a crybaby!) BUT i want to prove her wrong...when we got home, i locked myself up in my room, i had no load to seek comfort from my friends so i pretended to sleep until they turned off all the lights in our house...THAT really bored me and made me hungry.

The morning after, she acted like nothing's wrong, and pretended that "last night" didn't happen. Shit, wake up!! Things have changed. Enough of your pretentious acts, stop fooling your friends like we're this goody-goody family. di na tama yan