biL

ever felt so alone in a place full of people? you think of ways to get out of that place, but you're stuck. whatever you do to bridge across "their" world or those people you've been living with all your life seems useless. as much as you want to, you just can't connect with them.. you're sick and tired of it. you start to think that things would never be okay, that this really isn't the 'life' you've always imagined. you try to fix it, But the more you make up for the gaps in between, it becomes something more awful.

you realize that you have succeeded in turning your life as your living hell, living through your nightmare, getting trapped into the mess that you, yourself, have contributed in making. you say to yourself that your life is so f*cked up and you just can't think of anything anymore. now, you're getting a migraine from all the stuff in your head, from thinking too much.

you just don't know what to do, where to start again. your life sucks even if you know other people's lives are definitely much worse than yours. you can't tell anyone about it coz you know they won't understand you...they don't know you...nobody knows the real you... even you, have a hard time understanding what's going on in your own mind, your own heart.

you don't want to cry. you don't want to resort to stupid things like what masochists, sadists, addicts or insane people do. even if you're tempted to do those things again just so that you won't feel it anymore. and you don't want to do it coz you're afraid of becoming numb.

now, you really wouldn't know what to do coz you wouldn't even know how to make yourself feel better. you say to yourself that you're much stronger than before and this moment shouldn't be THE moment you'll give up for all the foolish remedies..think of other solutions ...something less bloody, kadiri, violent, crazy, basically something that will give you less damage to your body, your soul.
...enough of the drama, why don't you try praying? its certainly pain-free. Talk to Him for once. it might help. :) +biL+

**yesterday didn't go well.